Sometimes I think back to years ago, or even months ago and reflect on how much I’ve changed. That seems to be a constant thing, change. Yet we don’t really notice when we’re in the thick of it, the fire. When I was younger I had an idea of how my life would go, I mean most of us do, right? We think we’ll have our shit together and accomplish everything, save the world, or conquer an empire all by the time we’re twenty two, or in the “real world.” The hard reality of it is time. Things take time, it’s why we take four years to go to school and think about our careers only to realize we won’t always have it together or know where we’re heading.
It takes time to make a decision to move to a new city or take on a new job, and until these decisions are made you kind of feel like you’re flailing out in the middle of the universe, lost, confused and a little upset it’s taking so long to figure things out. One thing I can confidently say however, is it does get better, these decisions get made and we move forward. Always. Because if we don’t make the “right” decision we learn from it and grow, either way we move forward. For instance I can look back to six months ago when I hit my rock bottom, completely unable to be alone with myself as I couldn’t stand who I’d become, and laugh today because I’ve grown since then to the point where you have to kind of pry me away from my alone time. When I was in this dark period of my life I realized I have some issues with the way I was seeing myself and my body, I didn’t even realize my own thoughts and what I said out loud about myself was affecting me subconsciously. Think about when you meet someone new, you get a vibe that comes off of them whether its good or bad, you feel it from afar and make your decision whether you want to befriend the person or not, right? Sometimes you just know, hey, that person has a sucky vibe I don’t want to be around him. Well I truly believe this is based on what you’re sensing from that mind-body connection. Now think about your own vibe, is it overall positive or negative? Are you saying kind things to yourself everyday, uplifting yourself like you would with your best friend? Do you ever feel like you get lonely after spending your time constantly with other people? Are you happy with yourself? These were all pretty negative when it came down to it for me, I didn’t want to be alone and I felt completely unloved, like I wasn’t being cared for or wasn’t important to anyone. Depressed would be the word. And anxious that I couldn’t fix myself or feel like I was doing something with my life.
I made a choice one day after my friends said something to me. I was going to make some changes and I felt this like a fire in my soul. I was in the thick of it, but again, it would take some time to get out. First, I worked on my self love. To tackle this task is easier said then done and to be honest, being a woman in this world, it is going to be a constant struggle. Ladies, you know just as much as me how complex it is to be a woman, to deal with society’s idea of what we should be like, what we need to look like or act like, and on top of it all not receive the same benefits as men or other countries for that matter. But you’ve all heard this before, its just another piece of news that we know about but continue to stand still on the subject. Well self love becomes a war when you consider all of these outside factors. But the battles for now, are won for me. I trained myself to consider that I am more then my past and my decisions every day impact who I become. My thoughts for myself are consistently positive as I think about all I’ve gone through in life, that in my senior year of college I didn’t think I would ever be happy with myself enough to get out of the constant cycle of depression. Today, I confidently say that I am happy. I am growing and learning and have so much to offer the world. A lot of it, I will admit, comes from involving yourself with the right people, those who motivate and uplift you. If you have people in your circle that don’t do that for you, cut them right now. I’m sorry but that is a must at this point. To have that reciprocation between you and your friendships is to understand you deserve to be loved and appreciated. With the right people motivating you (including yourself) you can conquer so much more then you would ever think of.
Today I have started to really map out a plan for my consistent growth, to move forward and despite my fear do what I want to do. If I want to travel the world, I’m going to make it happen. If I want to be happier with my own body image, I’m going to eat the right foods to fuel my body, think the right thoughts to fuel my mind, and make being active the most exciting part of my day. I’m to the point where I love my body, I love sweating out my day in a 45 minute cycle or yoga class.
I could write pages on what you should do to get to this point but that would be overwhelming for you I’m sure so here’s what you should take away from this. Changing your thoughts is the first step. Waking up every morning and making that first thought “Today is going to be a good day, because I am fucking fantastic.” Again, that mind-body connection is crucial here, that when you create that first experience of the day, your mind and body will eventually follow suit. You are in control of each and every day. Let me say that again so it sinks in here: you are in control of each and every day. What you make of that, of every second, is up to you.
You know Bee as 1/2 of the Bohemian Babes that did an amazing job with our previous blogs. We can't get enough of her and hope you are just as inspired by her writing and radiant soul.